I somehow didn't realize there were 5 episodes of this round, so the several week long countdown for the Mayyas to perform (which could be just standing there for all I care) has been all for nothing. Tonight's wasn't too bad (I said that before typing the post: it was bad).
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Bayley Graham - I could've sworn his name was Baileys Gram, since I need a drink and a smoke to stay awake and the show's only been on for 30 seconds, mercy me. I'm guessing the show's unofficial tagline of "the world's biggest stage" doesn't apply to this, since this act only needs enough space for the size of a broom closet, a plus if he wants to do birthday parties in San Francisco's $5000 a month apartments. As usual, the first act of the night is pretty much their swan song, so there's no reason to care. The Ed Sheeran song Shape of You (stylized "Out Of Shape Ew" in America) didn't enhance the act at all. Boring.
Acapop! - It started off alright, though I realized that my chronic headaches only come on when someone who isn't a girl is speaking. The song was decent, though the seemingly ambiguous topic made me confused as to which multicolored flag I'll have to hang from my car in hopes of receiving pats on the head for being a good person. Howie buzzing was funny, especially since it didn't seem much better than something you'd see at a high school, unless they're all in middle school, in which performing at a high school would be a big deal.
Jannick Holste - Another gay guy who was a weird obsession with Heidi, I guess as his best imitation of a straight man's behavior in a relationship with a 50 year old, which is a bond with intimacy so ice cold, a whole box of Viagra is only enough for the man to offer a cordial hug before complaining of his aching back and retiring to the other room. He says he grew up in a small town in Germany, which made me shed a tear due to the town probably only consisting of 70% Nigerian immigrants. Not like he would've gone through anyways, but broadcasters having already gotten a taste of his flambuoyant mannerisms, the performance has probably been preemptively banned in all red states, thus missing out on millions of votes. I don't even remember what happened during this.
Lee Collinson - Odd of him to sing a song about flowers when hailing from England, a place where they can't grow due to the sun being an urban legend on the caliber of Bigfoot. The song was OK, as are most of these young female emotional venting ballads (that are probably written by a team of 60 year old perverts), but I still felt like I was trapped in a snowy cave and had to do jumping jacks to stay awake.
Jack Williams - He wins the prestigious award of straightest face I've given out this season, which I guess is mild praise, since the stinkeye is usually the expression given and this was as neutral as you can get. The material could've been written better, like the quote "Terry Fator is crying right now" didn't make a lot of sense due to it being within the act that was good, though he probably is crying having likely realized by now that ventriloquism is the most ineffective way to get hot young women to go back to his dressing room. I got nothing.
Metaphysic - The technology to misrepresent reality on television is clearly already here, yet not integrated to this degree on the nightly news (the thing I attack my neighbor with blunt objects to defend its' accuracy). The way the preceding video made it seem was as if they were going to do something different, but it's the same boring crap. Terry being given the high voice to suggest his physique is the result of copious steroids and not a shred of discipline made me let out a sigh of relief. As is usually pointed out, how would this fill up a whole show?
The Lazy Generation - They really live up to their name, since it's obvious they didn't plan this out enough, though since they didn't immediately shift blame to their parents, they really are from a time where being suicidal on Twitter wasn't normal. This just looked like they were all randomly flopping around on stage, so it was terrible. I'd like to think all the self mutilation to their genitals is some sort of profound statement on being unable to afford having kids, but every man is driven to have a stepson of his own, so cost or anything else won't stop that. Sigh.
Merissa Beddows - She looks so much more mature than 23, though anyone who doesn't appear to whine to their Father for money daily causes me to raise my eyebrows in concern. I don't see why anyone would go see an impressionist, since there's the quick "oh!" and then having to sit there for 5 minutes while they drag the same voice out. The Celine Dion and Amy Lee voices were good, as the music they made back when they were taut and 20 years old filled with me joy and hope, which has since given way to refusing to listen to Amy and having been convinced that Celine has been dead for several decades. I got nothing.
Harper - A surprisingly conservative move for her to go by a mononym in an era where parents can't sleep unless their Instagram photos of their kids are tagged with their full name and exact geolocation. This performance was pretty decent. There is actually a metal remix of this song with the Bring Me The Horizon singer, in case you wanted to hear a man in his 30s sound like he's having a childish tantrum for some reason. Was OK.
Mike E Winfield - In what most men under 20 consider an act of intense mental stamina, he went an entire 3 minutes without identifying as a woman, since he was actually good. Despite around half of the jokes landing, his delivery was solid enough for it to be consistent all the way through. I guess not having a physical handicap allows him to clearly communicate without issue, though him seeking out an older woman qualifies as some sort of mental impairment. If he does well, he'll probably land a couple side pieces and stay with his wife for joke material.
Lily Meola - Other than me wanting to act like a butterfly and cram my face in her flower, I'm struggling with any vague parallels that would suggest I paid much attention. You know I'm thoroughly brainwashed by medical school when I conclude the real cause of cancer related deaths is not enough poisons masquerading as treatment - a stark contrast to the Indian gurus who say they can induce instant healing while simultaneously claiming that showing proof is just ego. If I ever get sick, the method in which I waste my life savings will be determined by loudest audience cheer 👏. Song was boring, I clearly have nothing to say.
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I don't know if it was just this episode, but there was nothing to say, it was just totally unremarkable in every regard.
Edited August 31, 2022 by InternetToughGuyncG1vNJzZmien6fCrr%2BNqamipZWptq6x0WeaqKVfqbyxtcJoaGxrYml9br%2BQcJxqb12mwqK4yJ%2BgnqqjYoFw