8 hours ago, GeeGolly said:
Ugh, I couldn't figure out why I've been in no hurry to watch the rest of the series - until now. I care about (most of) the Duggars. I'm having a full circle moment from when I first started reading and posting here. I always saw the Duggars as unwitting victims of a cult. Then as the kids (and JB&M) became more worldly adults and continued to double down and began actually spewing pointed hate publicly my opinions of some, maybe most, began to slowly change. And obviously each Josh scandal influenced my thoughts and opinions.
Seeing Jill sitting on that couch looking so vulnerable and Derick looking so smug brought me back to where I started. IMO, Jill, though raised in this cult was a true shiny and happy person and now she's not. The reason she is no longer happy has a lot to do with the way she was raised and being unprepared to leave the insulated cult nest, which makes it even sadder.
Of all the kids Jill really seemed to think the world was her oyster when she married and now it seems, to me anyway, she's adrift alone in the sea. I'm finding that hard to watch.
I oddly started reading about the Duggars on snark websites without watching any of the specials or episodes. The only episodes I’ve seen to date were Jill’s wedding and (IIRC) some lead-in episodes of her courting experience, and that was due to me recovering from an outpatient surgery and reading that those epis were airing.
Basically all I know is what I’ve read here and elsewhere — yet there are so many IBLP Studies PhDs (if SOTDRT can grant its own degrees, so can I) here that I feel well-steeped in the Duggar and affiliated family cult history.
I share your feelings of waning sympathy as the children become adults and perpetuate their hateful beliefs and horrible child-rearing practices. I came into SHP with the view that Derick is a bitter, hateful person and a subvertly manipulative husband.
And then … SHP actually has shifted my perspective. Derick did not come off as smug to me. He spoke only in support of her and when she was struggling. She interrupted him at least once and he immediately shut up and let her speak (I understand this has also happened on their youtube videos, which I haven’t seen).
In what I found to be an effective way of “showing and not telling,” Derick and Jill’s interactions and body language were miles away from the clips of other cult adjacent couples: JB & Michelle and the Holts (even with Bobye’s side eyes). There were no adoring submissive gazes. The eye contact and handholding read to me as supportive vs approval-seeking or controlling.
Maybe it was effective stagemanship or maybe they received hugely sympathetic cuts and direction that no one else received. I doubt that — only the institutions (I count JB as an institution) seem to avail themselves with pro help, though Derick’s law school and (albeit brief) legal experience likely gave him some insights into effectively presenting oneself and one’s narrative.
Now I’m considering Derick to still be bitter, likely still hateful, but now a healthier partner for Jill. I’m interested to see whether my perception shifts again when their book comes out since he is listed as a co-author.
I wish Jill and other cult survivors strength in recovering. She and I would never be BFFs, but I empathize with her situation. I hope she and other survivors will reach a recovery stage where they can experience compassion for the burdens that others carry, even if those burdens differ from their own.
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